Unreturned phone call and loads of BS

I wished you safe travels requested that you call me when you get in. Its a common courtesy to let people know that you made it to your destination safely. So, hours go by and I don't hear from you. I call and leave a voice message after I texted. I assume you've gone home and fallen asleep as you usually do...supposedly. Then I kind of start to worry. The weather was little bad, but I hope to God nothing has happened to you. So, all the while I'm hoping you eventually call, but you don't. So then my mind starts wondering and putting together scenarios of some slick shyte that you could be up to. Scenarios that protest you to be a liar and a cheat. Finally, you text, and of course you tell me that weather conditions delayed you. I am relieved that you are safe and my mind is put to ease from the awful thoughts I had put together, until reality snaps in five minutes later. Fool! You're lying! Don't give me a lame ass excuse. Damn you lie, hell if the sky wasn't blue, you'd try to convince me that it was.
Now, to make sure I'm not crazy let's replay this. You call me over the entire weekend that you're on vacation, clearly establishing that there are strong feelings between us. Then you call as you depart to return home, claiming that you would call me when you got in. So now I'm on this pedestal and I feel important, hell, maybe even like I'm number one on your list. Yet, when you finally make it home all I get is a lame ass text message full of crap. You couldn't call and tell me that lie to my ear?
Really quick, let me give you some insight on how I feel about text messages. They are impersonal. I don't really care to send texts in place of an in depth conversation or to convey emotions that words cannot. There's a difference in hearing a voice, seeing a face, and reading words. BIG difference. Now they are convenient when you're unable to talk or to send a quick, short message. They are not the only source of telling a loved one good night, good morning and sending other messages. Folks, my point is that you cannot live life or relationships through electronic devices.
Back to the matter at hand. So, I get this lie via text. I don't say much because deep down inside I'm pissed because this is not the first time I've not heard from you hours at a time. You're a repeat offender of doing disappearing acts and submitting un-returned phone calls and messages. You leave me hanging. All dressed lying in bed for evening dates turned into late night dates because you had some other shyte to do. The bad thing is, we aren't even together. The bad thing is, you tell me that you love me. The bad thing is, you tell me that you want to be with me and can't imagine not having me around. The bad thing is, I keep putting up with you.

Something New & Something Old

They sent my doctor bill to the collections agency. Old bill, new mark on my credit report.
You said you were coming over. New day, same old lies.
I'm tired as hell. Same feeling, new position on the couch.
I need to move but I cannot afford it. New apartment, same broke ass story.
In a couple of months I'll start work again. Same disappointing position, but new hopes and successes.
My point being, I can try new things, find new things and and even move on to new things, but the past doesn't disappear. Even so, I live on and either sit and waddle in the mess of the past, never letting it go. Or, I remember the past and correct it to create the future.

Unfocused and in a Frenzy

Its hard to focus in on the matter at hand with so many particulars written down in my plans. So many fates are resting in my hands, I have to balance out all the negatives with "I cans." But I find it hard to focus my attention...
To hell with the deadlines and if you call me for a favor, you're gonna get a dead line
Damn punching the time clock, I'll show up when I want, say something to me and you might get clocked
Enough with the paper trails and reports, face-to-face is the only sure way to build up rapport
Can't stand to make anymore checklists, but if I continue to forget, surely I'll be check less
I'm ready to rip up the calendar, fuck it, I ain't calling him or her
Not checking anymore phone messages, damn I've become a mess in my ages
And its hard to focus on the matter at hand, so many requests, so many plans. So many fates are resting in my hands, expecting me to come up with endless "I cans." But I find it hard to focus my attention...So, I dare not pay it.

What's Next?

What's next when life is at a standstill? What's next when you've passed a breaking point? Do you pick up the pieces and start agian? And if so, where does the start begin? Or should you leave the pieces wallowing on the ground and just walk away? What's next in life when you've achieved your successes? Do you sit and create a new plan of action or a new set of goals? If you constantly create new goals, will you ever reach a destination in life? Will life ever be enough? Will you ever get to sit back and be content with what you have, or will you constantly search for more? What happens when life comes to a standstill? Where does purpose come from?
I'm at a standstill and I'm tired. It's never acceptable to quit, but it is important to observe and make good judgment before moving. So, I'm at a standstill as I wait here deciding which way to step next. Life is draining as I try to stay balanced in this stance. And the question still remains...What's next?