What should I be?

Should I be a Tupac Shakur flowing with lyrics to inspire my listeners and those that disagree with my image?
Should I be a Johann Sebastian Bach and enrich contemporary arts with my skills and creativity?
Should I be Langston Hughes and take part in this 21st century renaissance of enlightenment and self-discovery?
Should I be a Barack Obama and stand on the world stage and be judged for having my own opinions?
Should I be a Marcus Garvey and organize a back to Africa movement so we can learn the true roots of our vines?
Should I be a Mother Teresa and make it my life mission to care for the sick and poor?
Should I be a Maya Angelou and let my experiences fuel my written expressions?
Should I be a Common and rap about uncommon things, touch the common person and worry not about plaudits?
Should I be an Albert Einstein with a brilliance that inspires my students and a poetic science that revolutionizes life?
Should I be the oppressed who are submissive and heavily burdened with the weight of institutional power?
Should I be a leader who is submissive and heavily burdened with the weight of institutional privilege?
Should I be what people expect me to be?
Should I be more?
Should I be less?
Should I be who I am?

Be careful what you pray for

When I prayed to do something great I had no idea I would be pushed to be a leader.

When I prayed to be a vessel to impact society I had no idea I would leave my immediate vicinity and travel the world.

When I prayed for understanding I had no idea that life altering experiences would occur and I would not like them.

When I prayed for wisdom I had no idea that I had to clean out myself in order to take in newness.

When I prayed for financial shifting and increase I had no idea of the responsibility that came with it.

When I prayed for extrinsic things I had no idea the vanity of them had no bearings on the intrinsic pleasures of my heart.

When I prayed for mercy and hiding I had no idea that grace would give me more and remove the veil so I could see clearly.

When I prayed I knew I would be heard and my prayers answered, but the how was never up to me.

 

State of being

My fridge looks like I'm livin' in poverty.
My mental says the same thing.

Empty thoughts below the line of happiness.
Empty pockets, below zero bank account.

This house has lost its home like feeling.
This heart has lost its love and peace.

Stripped of fresh vegetation, the fridge is empty.
Stripped of wholesome meditation, the mind is gone.

Unhealthy is a state of being.
Unhealthy living leads to death.

Shall poverty thrive?
Shall I die?

I want that old thing back

I want that old school secret love when he writes letters and slides them in your locker.
I want that old school crush when he walked you to your class and ran late to his.
I want that old school stare from across the room because he cannot deny his affection.
I want that old school date night when he knocks on the door and asks are you ready.
I want that old school car door opening, front door holding, chivalrous brother.
I want that old school conversation when he said, "I like you!" and meant it.
I want that old thing back.

Reflections

I did some self reflecting today. I flipped through my journal and read my thoughts from over the past year. The tables have turned quite drastically and much has transpired. It amazes me how the power of words can paint a picture so vivid and conjure intense emotions though they lay lifeless on the paper. I leaped right back into the moments I described just as if it happened an hour ago. My life is extremely colorful; I wouldn't trade this journey for anything. I will keep all my victories, laughter and wisdom. I will keep all of my heartache, tears and bruises. I embrace every peak and valley, and every ocean and small stream in its entirety.
Thankfully, I write these wonderful occurrences down in my sugar and spice notebook.  During my reflections today I stumbled across November 22, 2013, "No More Flowers." Yes, all of my journal entries have titles. This is the story of my life, why would they not? This particular entry was a poem. I have been intrigued with writing about nature for a while, but especially flowers, the sun and butterflies. Flowers can serve a great metaphorical and literal meaning in literature. I always use both when I write about this beautiful gift of God.

"What happens when the flowers stop?
When their warm embrace loosens and floats away.

No more daisies in the spring or black-eyed Susans bunched around,
And no more sunflowers in the summer.

No more roses in red, white, pink, yellow, or soft autumn orange.
Nothing but the thorns left that pricked my heart.

I cry and melt away as far as I can from the pain
Because there are no more blooming bouquets to brighten my day."

Clearly, this was a valley moment. Even though the flowers stopped for a season, I was able to move on. The tides in the ocean have changed and the sun has risen in a new hour. I decided to buy some fresh, new flowers today and all is well with my soul!

Get happy from the inside out

Our outlook on life determines the true peace within. I may become distraught with the happenings of the world, but I know I have a destiny to fulfill. It is my duty to find the goodness of the day and become one with it. My reaction is the judge of my fate. Thus, I must retain control at all times. I can allow or disallow anything I choose, so, I will make life happy on purpose.

Do something on purpose. Make your life happy for yourself and that is what it will be.

A life of service (MLK Day 2011)

For a very long time I've known that our purpose was to live here in harmony. Blended together as one whole, ensuring the peace of all. It is an awesome feeling to gaze out of the window and see the masses bonded for people empowerment on this grand day. Perhaps the day will extend into tomorrow and create a lifestyle of giving, loving, and prosperity for everyone.

Happy New Year

Indeed it is a new year and a happy one it is. I am all to eager for the hands of time to progress and bring forth my massive victories and newness of life.
I did not start at the stroke of midnight planning my new journey, but a couple months ago I decide to change some things.
It is my goal to walk in purpose for the rest of my life. It took me a while to scoop up enough courage and confidence and then redirect myself, but it did finally come. Now is my time, it is a happy new year.

I Believe the Children

I believe that the children are our future and a dim one it will be.

Piss poor role models have shown no empathy, positive communication nor respect.

So the children do not know how to apologize, problem solve and use logical reasoning or be kind.

I believe the children are going to experience some failure.

They lack the skills and training to produce manners that allow society to function productively.

Therefore the quality of life will continually decrease as it has and on into depletion.

I believe the children will destroy the future because they know nothing of the past.

Back to the shores and fields of entrapment the children were kept from reading and writing.

They were hung and limbs were severed at the attempt of any academic gain.

Ignorance meant oppression, and a people oppressed meant wealth for the Masters.

The children are made to learn today, but refuse to follow rules and apply themselves.
I believe the children will continue to be oppressed because they lack knowledge.
These children will teach their children and their children will teach the next.
Each loosing a piece of self until self has become nothing.
I believe we are doomed!

TRUTHS

What I think, I write
What I write is what I live
What I live is real
What my words say is truth
What is exaggerated, is for propaganda
What I think, write and live, is never to persuade
What I think, write and live is only a testimony

Reasons for Seasons

Love blooms in the Spring time, but its approaching Fall
So in the meantime, I'll be hibernating in loneliness
Winters frost turns loneliness into a bitter cold heart
As I Fall apart, time passes before the melting starts
Hopes of a Spring love looms through the cold
Stories of it turning into beautiful Summer nights are untold
A Summer fling turned ablaze, and with it, I can grow old
Its only a thought, a mystery that my hands can't hold

I'm NOT Happy

They want to come in and disrupt my so far, so good. They want to change my course of action and all the plans I have revamped. My goals were set and I knew how I was going to reach them, but numbers and outlandish logic has deteriorated everything, and I'm NOT happy...

To Hell With Sleep: Part III, Uh-Oh!

I guess I'm tired again, funny thing is, I went to sleep last night and got decent hours worth of sleep...

Mr. Sand man, what's the plan man
I'm tired again, I'm your restless fan
The bags under my eyes must be loaded with sand
Granules with no discretion harassing me because they can
Bright white dreams, turned to a dusty tan
Peaceful slumber eluding the palms of my hand
And let's conclude, now that this race has been ran
That you, Mr. Sand man, have beat me again

(Shout out to my insomniacs)

Late Night Disatisfaction

I was up late and my mind was disturbed, between my best friends sad relationship story and my hurt feelings, I couldn't put my mind around sleep. It was a sad, sad little case of the BLUES. Laying there thinking of everything I want to fix, things I cannot fix and some shyte that I just aint gonna adjust. Really, I wanted to go back in time and replay, redo and revise a certain scene in my life. I'd probably still have this sad, sad case of the BLUES, but it wouldn't be as intense.
This late night dissatisfaction is self-inflicted, certain factors could have been easily avoided. I know what it is...I'm indecisive! When I set out to do anything, I go strong and follow through. The decision before I get to that point is another matter. I go back, back, forth and forth. Then I back it up, bring it back, then send it back. Craziness and a case of the sad, sad BLUES is what I have to show for it.
The thoughts of sleep deprivation have now been added to my misery, creating a deeper BLUE shade of sadness. Relationships are the most wonderful things shared. They are a necessity and sustain all life, but they can come at a very high cost. They entail sacrifice, time and pruning. They do not escape the likes of criticism, happiness and self-discovery. They can be the best or they can be the worst. Relationships can be held, broken and fixed all-in-one. In my endeavors, I have run into late night dissatisfaction and a case of the sad, sad BLUES.

The In-Zone!

I'm in the zone! I've got my game face on and the opposition is set to be defied. My mind is racing and that means tracks are going to be left when I take the unseen and make it visual, when I take the unimaginable and make it realistic, when I take the mind and make it tangible. I'm in the zone! My creative juices are overflowing and as potent as can be. So potent that when leaked or spilled it's going to tarnish the material of the inferior cloth of mediocrity. I'm in the zone! I can't be stopped, I feel it, the energy is radiating off of me. You should get close and maybe you too can feel the juice. Feed off the energy and feel me, and let me fill you. I'm in the zone!

So Far, So Good

So far, so good, I have no complaints.
Everything in order and all chaos kept in restraints.
All is well, all have come and gone.
Peace has settled and the next destination is home.
Things are in order for the next day to begin.
I'm setting up to be a trail blazer and to set some new trends.
The first day was a good day and a model for the rest.
I'm pushing for new amazement and putting myself to the test.

Today was a good day. It helps to plan and even over plan. When you lack plans, you put yourself in a position to fall victim to nothingness or a state of confusion. Someone intelligent said, "A failure to plan is a plan to fail." Indeed, improvisation is given to the gifted, but in certain instances it just will not do. In being prepared there are set goals and direction, which give way to progress.
If there are no plans, is there any direction?
Are there any set goals to attain?
Where exactly is life leading?
Is life an improvisation, or something to just go with the flow and whatever happens just happens?
Do no plans suggest no control?
It's a double standard for me to be so prepared in one portion of my life and to lack preparation in other parts. My game face has turned to a solemn stare as I sit here trying to figure out my next move. I'm living two separate lives. The side that I'm held accountable by a group and employer is having the most gain because I refuse to let people down. Yet the side that keeps me grounded and at peace is suffering. I've put my peace on the back burner and its sitting there to get scorched. In all of my humility, I'll prepare any and everything, within reason, for the sake of others. When it comes to self, I've gotten into the habit of procrastination. It's hard to be a dreamer right now. The world is much bigger than I ever knew and it has become so intimidating. It was so much easier to be a dreamer when I lived in a smaller world and the tasks flowed like water because I had something to prove and share with the world. I wanted them to see my life, my pain, my leaps and bounds. And so I prepared, set goals and created progress. When the world was smaller, I made it go around. Now the world has grown beyond my slim horizons and I'm trying to do a double step to keep up with its rotation. I've made some plans, but not over planned and the outcome was a plan failed and no extensions to back up the first set. Now, I'm waiting and thinking about new plans. But still waiting...
Even so, today was a good day and I'll take that for what it is.

To Hell With Sleep

I'm tired. Sleep doesn't seem to catch up to me, and I can't seem to catch it. In the car on lunch break, at the stop light, in the middle of conversations, it's an endless battle that ends with sleep and I never coming to a peaceful compromise. How could you be so cruel? Why can't we get along? I guess I'll settle as I do with so many other aspects of life. I guess I thought too much of something that I couldn't live without. I guess I'll live with being tired, and sleep and I can battle on for the rest of my days...

Unfocused and in a Frenzy

Its hard to focus in on the matter at hand with so many particulars written down in my plans. So many fates are resting in my hands, I have to balance out all the negatives with "I cans." But I find it hard to focus my attention...
To hell with the deadlines and if you call me for a favor, you're gonna get a dead line
Damn punching the time clock, I'll show up when I want, say something to me and you might get clocked
Enough with the paper trails and reports, face-to-face is the only sure way to build up rapport
Can't stand to make anymore checklists, but if I continue to forget, surely I'll be check less
I'm ready to rip up the calendar, fuck it, I ain't calling him or her
Not checking anymore phone messages, damn I've become a mess in my ages
And its hard to focus on the matter at hand, so many requests, so many plans. So many fates are resting in my hands, expecting me to come up with endless "I cans." But I find it hard to focus my attention...So, I dare not pay it.