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This is not necessarily an examination of the relationship
between men and women from both perspectives, but more so analyzing how the
woman interacts with the man. All things herein are not definitive, as I seek
to explore ideas and that which we observe in society. This topic is broad and
cannot be summed up in this small posting with all of the elements that would
need to be considered in investigating the relationship between men and women. Nonetheless,
I do hope to invoke minds to reflect introspectively for positive movement toward
healing ourselves, our relationships and communities.
Can we truly understand our men? It is true that we
share DNA, cultural identities, our homes and much more with our men, but can a
woman know what it is like to be a man? Despite the depth of study or the
closeness of the relationship, a man and woman have different hormones and
genetic construction. This alone will affect how we think and feel and this is
irrespective of what science today is able to do with the human body; I am
speaking of the human in his or her natural born state.
If social constructs are to be considered, then we must look
at the demands of being a man or woman. What is expected of the woman?
How has she been shaped by society, all including religion, social media, career, school, and
childhood? In this same respect, ask these questions of the man. How does
this play into the psyche and inevitably our character and who we
think we are? At present, our men are being assaulted, killed and imprisoned at
alarming rates. Our men have a social pressure unlike any other and the double
standard of life presses us in different ways that are undebatable.
How are mothers raising their sons? There is an
abundance of single mothers and this statistic dominates in the so called "Black community."1 The female caregiver in the home is the child’s first
impression of a woman. A single mother is raising a male child from a female’s
perspective, and she encourages him and disciplines him in the same manner, and
although she may be a good teacher, she cannot give him the masculine energy
that a man can. If the father is not there, how does this impact the son and the mother? If that child is never given an example of an adult male and
female relationship, how will it affect him in adulthood when he seeks a
relationship?
If both parents are present in the home the same inquiries
can be made. What are the parents modeling for their son or daughters? Do we
teach our children how to love themselves, to love others, or how to conduct
healthy relationships? Are children helped in exploring their identity and
self-pride from birth?
Do we know how to love the man? There are many influences
that shape who we are or who we think we are. Reflecting on the above statement
of the home and child rearing, and also to mention society’s impact on our
psyche, do we understand how to love? It cannot be what we think love is because
that will vary by each person you ask. So, it seems we have a dilemma. How is
love defined?
If we are to love the man we must first admit to several
things. True love is not what a man can do for you, that is expectation. True love
is not expecting a man to build you up or make you feel a certain way, that is
insecurity. True love is first knowing one’s self—period. Of course there will
be practical expectations in growing any relationship, but if you are sound in
who you are and understand your purpose in life, then you do not come in the
relationship needing things, such as the false fulfillment sex, someone to take
care of you, needing someone to fill your childhood voids or daddy and mommy
issues, pacify your insecurities, curb your trauma from sexual abuse or any of
the other experiences that may come along with life. If the man and woman
are sound in who they are, then they can avoid coming into a relationship with
lack or a need for the other to give them something. This curtails
disappointments that may diminish the relationship.
Now the task is to seek if we really know and love self and
honestly concluding on that matter.
Does the woman really know who she is on a soul level beyond
what has been scripted in religious texts and social constructs? What was the
true purpose and role of man and woman and how does knowledge of this directly affect
a woman’s ability to love her man?
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