Growing Pains: Part II, Tact and Kairos

Bang, Boom, Kapow! I hit another rough patch as I slid into the second base of life. I'm far, far away from home plate. I went from being on deck to trotting past the trials of first base and skidding and landing dead on my face at second. Rest assured that I'm stuck in this "kairos" moment. I have much to learn as I clean the dirt away from my uniform. Dirt flew in my mouth when I slid, so I have to learn to keep it shut when running my bases. And when it is the "kiaros" moment to open my mouth and release my voice "tact" and compassion should rule every syllable and phoneme.
Kurplunk, Bam, Pow! My heart hit the bottom of my belly after I came to that crashing stop at second. The anxiety, emotion, and goals get me going and as soon as I am all wound up, I take off and run, run, run, but I forgot one thing...
It is not all about me.
It cannot be when I want and how I want it. You see, once I leave home plate and initiate the game, I need a team to support me. My team mate has to step up and hit the ball in order for me to be able to run to the next plate. I can never round these bases by myself. Here I am standing here at second base, dirty and waiting on a team mate to help me move forward. I must confess that I didn't treat my team mate very well today. "Tact" escaped my conversation and my "kairos" was far off because I was being insensitive. My team is down as a result and I am not moving forward.

Growing Pains

I hit a growing pain today. These are the things that make me cry and wash my vision. They drive my mind into confusion, but reality comes to make perfect sense in the aftermath. Some of these pains bruise my relationship, yet the bandage of clear communication that straightens out misunderstandings is a strong healing ointment. When I run into growing pains, sometimes the bar is set high and I fail to reach. When I get up from my fallen position, growing pains make me visualize where I'm supposed to be. Now I can see more and view it in a brighter light. I hit a growing pain today and I'm a little bit taller because of it.

Charlie

Doing What's Best: Part II, God Given Talent

A God given talent is the mightiest of all skills. For whatever reason God gave it, the world cannot alter or remove it. No one person will possess it the way that you do because it is yours. Here's how you know if you have a God given talent...

If it comes about naturally
If you don't have to practice a lot to be good, and when you do practice your great
If you produce excellence when your not even trying to
If your service or creation uplifts others or serves the well-being of people
If its an undeniable task that beacons your soul both day and night

I write for days, yet I never considered myself a great author or writer.
When I compose my sentences they are grammatically correct and my paragraphs and ideas are well structured. Though I've never taken more than the mandated English classes.
At times I've written down my thoughts in anger, in the early morning, or just some random writing throughout the day that others thought was incredible. Many times I am only writing journals about what's on my mind, and its those pieces that win me accolades from my peers and brings tears to the eyes of others.
I often write about life and how we experience it. I write to bring forth awareness and to inspire change in some cases. I write about things that haunt my spirit, whether happy or sad, I must get it out as soon as it hits me.

The Ending is The Beginning: Part III

I stepped out on a path today,

And from the lighted area, I walked all the way to where it was dim.

I walked to the end of a lonely road.

No one existed there but me,

It was I that stood alone and made a choice.

As I walked this path I have been met with much adversity,

As well as joy, beauty and utter disgust.

I saw all parallels of life as I traveled down this path,

Friends, family, and advice have come and gone.

As I began down the path the light was bright,

And from the beginning I was happy.

The more I walked, the more the shade began to appear,

It became more and more as I walked to the end of the road.

As I stood at the end of the now lonely road, I made a choice.

I am content with the ending of this road,

Because the last step I take to end this dim road, starts a new step in the light of another.

My ending is my beginning!

 

The Ending is The Beginning: Part II

Some things in life weren’t meant to last forever but they were definitely intended to be, because everything happens for a reason. The good and the bad. Even so, we all have choices. And when in a situation where we are forced and may not be able to do divert at that point in time, choice will eventually dawn upon us whether it’s days, weeks, months, or even years down the line. That all goes along the lines of actions and reactions. Yes, unfair things happen in our lives, but again, it is our choice on how we react and what we take from our experiences….the good and the bad. But nothing lasts forever and if it does, it does not exist the same because time changes everything. Good or bad, that something will change shape, color, form, strengthen or weaken, dissolve or grow. Something is going to happen because it is the law of physics and human nature in general. So as we humans go through life and its situations, and making choices, we begin and end an infinite number of things from the time of our birth till the time we leave this earth.


Too often we attribute our new beginnings and fresh starts without giving reverence to our past. Good or bad, we begin nothing without first ending something. Too often we worry about things coming to an end and what’s going to happen in our lives beyond a certain point. We are scared to reach past what we can see or step out on faith because it is beyond our area of comfort. Yet we find comfort in the strangest things. We find comfort in alcohol even though it can destroy your body, we find comfort in people who tear down our spirits, we find comfort in drugs that kill our soul, we find comfort in abuse that simply destroys our minds, and we find comfort in false realities created by hands. We find comfort in the strangest things; we find comfort in the good or the bad. And so, when we begin life in situations, it’s often hard to see where they end or to wrap our minds around the idea of such, but…

A Good Day

Today was a good day in the Life and Times of Charlie. I pursued a new job and got an inquiry. It was the most exciting thing ever. The feeling of new was amazing. Haven't felt this type of passion in a while. I've become board with my story and lost complete interest in previous joys. Today was a breath of fresh air as I bring my nine months to a close. The sun rose just a bit higher and enthusiasm and ambition knocked harder at my door. As the day began and the emails started rolling in, I began looking more and more forward to what the day held. Now as I sit on the couch and its almost 8:30p.m. I want to to close my eyes and call it a day. Despite my eagerness to end this day, it was lovely and I did enjoy my good day!

The Ending is The Beginning!

So happy it's all over! Finally some peace-of-mind and satisfaction in knowing that I don't have to face another day in a particular chaos. I don't have to stand in anxiety with my chest squeezing the life from my words as I run out of breath. That is sweet relief in itself and removes a heavy burden from my soul. I feel much better already. Oh God I'm so glad its over, because another day would have been crippling and another week would have been sheer death.
Death comes in small packages. It comes in the form of the simplest things we love and indulge in. It comes in the form of the things we cannot live without. Work, money, relationships and a host of other things. Misused or however unhealthy the form of our death, we engage it head on. In this case, my death only lasted for nine months. It has been the worst nine months of my life and I have been pushed to an all new level of tolerance. The self-discovery has been irreplaceable and mind altering. The ending of this nine month journey has started the beginning ofself-satisfaction that I made it through a storm. I survived the realism of our society and now I can tell it like it is. My ending has invoked my new project. Watch out world! The end is near...

Daily Devotion

"May 6,
'Humble Yourself'
Let this same attitude and purpose and [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus: [Let Him be your example in humility].
Philippians 2:5
Humility comes from brokenness; brokenness hurts so bad, but it 'hurts good.' Brokenness comes when we learn that we are not hotshots after all. Brokenness comes when we judge others, and then realize that we do the same things they do. Brokenness comes when we think we are going to step out and do something great, and then fall flat on our face because we forgot to stay plugged in to God.
Brokenness comes when we give our opinion, knowing that we are absolutely right to the point of arguing about it, and then find that we are wrong. Brokenness is good for us. Brokenness leads to humility, and humility precedes honor (see Proverbs 15:33)."

Starting Your Day Right: Devotions for Each Morning of the Year by Joyce Meyers

I Believe the Children

I believe that the children are our future and a dim one it will be.

Piss poor role models have shown no empathy, positive communication nor respect.

So the children do not know how to apologize, problem solve and use logical reasoning or be kind.

I believe the children are going to experience some failure.

They lack the skills and training to produce manners that allow society to function productively.

Therefore the quality of life will continually decrease as it has and on into depletion.

I believe the children will destroy the future because they know nothing of the past.

Back to the shores and fields of entrapment the children were kept from reading and writing.

They were hung and limbs were severed at the attempt of any academic gain.

Ignorance meant oppression, and a people oppressed meant wealth for the Masters.

The children are made to learn today, but refuse to follow rules and apply themselves.
I believe the children will continue to be oppressed because they lack knowledge.
These children will teach their children and their children will teach the next.
Each loosing a piece of self until self has become nothing.
I believe we are doomed!

Hallelujah

Hallelujah I am saved today. There is food on my table and brand new clothes on my back. I have a car outside and money to stop by the gas station and fill it up. I must declare that I am blessed today. I awoke in a spacious apartment in a luxurious bed, and I sat up in my right mind. I thanked God as I rolled out of my soft sheets feeling refreshed and said, "Hallelujah, I am saved today!"

TRANS-FORMATION

I saw a Caterpillar slowly creeping along, moving one body part at a time to create an instant ripple effect. Its tiny body moved forward in very small increments of distance. Whatever its planned destination, I was sure it was going to take it an extremely long time to get there.
I wonder if that Caterpillar knows that it will be a butterfly one day? Does the Caterpillar know that one day it will be able to fly? Does it know that its biological make up is equipped to create a chrysalis for it to dwell in? During this time out of sight, an act of nature that cannot be duplicated will take place. A transformation will occur in the Caterpillar's biological make up and ability. It will become a butterfly.
The butterfly's wings will dry and then it will flutter about the earth, no longer moving at the speed of a Caterpillar. The butterfly has the ability to defy gravity and move at a new speed and portray a new color.
How long will the Caterpillar remain in its current state? How does it know when its time to transition into the next stage of its life? Surely no mistake is ever made, because when the timing is correct the chrysalis will be spun, the Caterpillar will rest, its body will change, and the butterfly will emerge. The transformation is inevitable. The crawling Caterpillar is predestined to become a beautiful creature. Does it know that it will one day fly?

Revelation, Realization, Relaxation

And so, I used to be an asshole, but you put your foot down and sad no. I thank you for that. Prior to, I ran rampant with vulgar utterances and thoughts with no discretion were all too frequent. Even though I still lack tact, you condemn much of my assholeness and I thank you for that. I don't have to elevate my voice because your temperament is so calm. This takes away from the crudeness of a harsh attitude. What you give off is what you attract. Your coolness attracts mines, your sincerity attracts mine, and your energy equals mine. The asshole qualities are surely eluding me and I say thank you.

Sincerely,
Charlie

4/4/2010 11:30PM EDT

Uncertainties

I'm losing it. My mind seems to be all over the place. In the wrong places and the way out far places. I just don't know anymore. What I was sure of has become a fogged vision. I thought I was a visionary, but I cannot see a thing. I pretend to walk by faith and not by sight, but I must see. It has to be tangible to make sense. Why can't I see it? Where has my mind gone? I have the common sense and not the physical recognition of the future. I know if I do one thing a certain reaction will come about. All that I am not certain of scares me into insanity. I have a control issue friends. I have to know, hear and see it all. Faith does not present such a deal though. I have to trust like I've never trusted before and it's driving me insane.

Emotion Commotion

There goes a calamitous sound, must be an Emotion Commotion. Must give thanks to that special love potion. Is it #9 or just 9-1-1. Quick get the squad car in motion! Before she goes down, or he goes down, or murder becomes the notion. Then murder will be the case that they give you, ALL Because of an Emotion Commotion. Emotions flaring because of the money we’re grossing, emotions dying because our hearts have been broken. Relationships have lost meaning because of morale corrosion. Life has beat and broken us like the earth going through the process of erosion. We’ve been displaced and worn down all because of Emotion Commotions. If you’d like a fix, have a bit of advice. Men don’t cheat, but settle with the lotion. Ladies don’t be dissatisfied, it’s not the ship, but it’s the motion in the ocean. I know, sometimes that just won’t do, but don’t let selfish desires elude devotion. No matter how loud or disastrous the Commotion, remember to balance yourself and have control of the emotion.

PLANet SOULution

What's the plan man? The day has slipped from my hand and no longer will I say "I can!"
No, I'm no longer a fan. Not of displeasure and not with heartache pouring through sweat glands. Drenched in remorse from this position that I stand, swarmed in harsh truths with this position I just can't stand. So what's the plan man? The day is no longer grand and the fiddle sounds with strum of a broken band. Reality has disband all dreams and future one night stands of pure pleasures and ecstasies of the unknown and simply play it by hand, or play it by ear, and in the capsule drips the sand, tick tocking away the day and no more "I can!" Because I cannot, I will not and you will not command. And that's my SOULution at hand, but still remains the question of the plan. Round and round my thoughts have ran, like a young pup chasing my tail, like a lost man, like a young child believing in fairy tales, Like tall tales in fantasy lands. But before this I made reality pop as I ripped it freehand. Making love spout, spirits grow and knowledge flow with no thoughts beforehand. I was the "Yes man!" The best cut and texture, the top shelf brand. And now, I'm not quite sure of the plan, not sure of the sudden future and on what stable ground it stands. But I'm not the man who builds a house on sand, I've got the actuality of and practicality of the sane man. Even he too sometimes jumps from the frying pan, yet into the fire and back again. Maybe I should blast off to my PLANet and plan it, and then maybe never come back to this disfigured land. In the mean time, I cannot withstand, withhold or supply the demands. This is my SOULution...No more "I can!"

Be The Match

'I Joined' Sticker

PEOPLE- My whole purpose is to help others. Finances will never be a concern for this matter, because if I have it then I will give it.
JOY- I take pride in being able to better myself through bettering the life of another. Whether its with a smile or hug, or by offering a service.
TASKS- I have been given a set of skills and some God given talent that needs to be shared with the world. I've lived a story that will help someone. I've survived a situation that will change someones life.
HEALING- My purpose gives me peace at night and encourages me to wake up in the morning. It drives me to do better and be better and to hone my craft. The better my craft, the better I feel, and the more I can help.

Be The Match... Give back!

Hypothetical Regrets

What if you left today and never came back on tomorrow? What if I never felt your arms wrap around my body again? And what if then your compassion was just a memory of yesterday? Would I lose my mind? Would the sun fail to rise, and the water cycle cease leaving all of life to perish? Would I perish if I could never wake up and see your face again? What then does the day become? And suppose I never had the chance to say, I love you...

Bills Bills Bills and more BillS

I'm looking over my monthly budget and instantly getting flustered with my debt. Life is not supposed to be this way. It can't be! This has got to end, right here, right now. It's a new day, it has to be. Time never stops, things are always changing. I have to to change it, I HAVE TO! I mean it's gotten completely and utterly ridiculous. I live each month to get a paycheck, base my entire being around a paycheck. No sir not me, who would have ever thought? This is not the plan and I worship no idle Gods. I'm not waiting for anymore paychecks, this will end now. This system is so flawed. With that, it's time for me to be an individual. I don't have to take part in anything that is not beneficial or prosperous. To hell with this system of merry-go-round...

Merry-go-round spinning in a circle until the abdomen is ill
Round and round all joy is gone and there is no more thrill
The truth of the merry-go-round is that it will never stop
Jump off and stumble to a stance or fall down with a plop
Merry-go-round quickly rotating jump back on if you should
Or go over to the swings where life is more easily understood

Unfocused and in a Frenzy: Part II Many Opinions

The year started off with joyful feelings and all was great, until opinions came into play and shyte started to jump on my plate.
Now I'm staring out the window with a dreadful look on my face, holding some emotions that I just can't seem to place.
Can't set them down without picking them back up, and can't deal with them strategically, so they get bottled up.
Entangled in my system they make my belly ache, consumed with resenting feelings that I just can't take.
So what I conclude is a partial solitude which you might take as rude or an cold attitude.
Please don't get it misconstrued, love is love and that I will never elude, but my mind is mines and my ears are now glued.
I have no questions, which requests no answers...
I have no concerns, which requests no opinions...

01.01.10

It is a new day in a new year, which is only a continuation from yesterday and last year. I started my change a few weeks ago and I set some goals so that when this day came I would be in full swing with no stumbling out of the blocks. The life and times have been difficult, have been joyous and have been a great learning experience. Please stay tuned in to see what is happening next because this journey is full of new encounters. Please be entertained, educated and enlightened by my stories.
-Charlie