Back to Action: Part II, Rehabilitation

I'm stable now. No more bullshit, no more bullshit, no more bullshit!
Stability and I have conferenced and made a decision on down sizing. We had to get rid of bull shit. We're turning in a new direction and in order to focus on our future there must be a new structure at the core. And I'm so cool with that. I can see beyond the immediate. I may over analyze at times, but not being analytical at all can be fatal. My mind and spirit have risen from its latest point. I'm rehabilitated from my previous thoughts, actions and emotions...

Fatal Flaw

I've come to the realization that I have a problem loving. With my over analytical attitude, I spend too much time processing every factor of a situation. I spent too much time being withdrawn and let the images of tarnished relationships scar my inner being. And as a defense mechanism, I've developed this uneasiness of the newly acquainted. Knowing all the bad that can come from relationships with people, I refuse to openly trust the newly acquainted. Even if there's a mutual attraction, I can never jump in with both feet before the deep analysis takes place. Fear of the worst develops a lack of trust. The lack of trust opens the fear of loving.
I'm at a place right now where I confess that I am not looking for a significant other, but I enjoy the company and attention that comes with having such. I want love, but I refuse to give it openly. It is now that I realize how cold life has truly made me. I'm not sure when I developed such a bad attitude toward being open or the idea of it. By far, it has to be at its all time worst.

Departure Time

What do you do when the dearly has departed? What do you do when you can interact with them no more? You antagonize their former being. You talk about every aspect of their former life. But those who love and adore, let the less be trumped by what was and is special. When the dearly reaches their departure time, we should rejoice in all the good and keep only fond memories. We should praise what was. This I have always known and was taught in my rearing, but since the death of Mr. Michael Jackson, I have become more aware of how we should treat the dearly departed. I am disturbed at the intrusion of his former life, but not to say that it was unexpected. Freedom of press and speech has to be one of the most abused amendments in our country's history. I do remember his music and the entertainment that he offered life. He was a tremendous entertainer and the best I have ever seen. His career is an inspiration to me. God bless his family and legacy in the years to follow.

Back to Action

So I decided to let the possibility of bullshit enter back into my realm. Never again will I criticize the drug addict, the alcoholic or the domestically abused. I now understand being STUCK in a situation. The mental scrutiny behind our actions and reactions, and the falsehood we find in the bullshit. It fills a void, a mishap, an unhappiness or whatever the word of choice. Either way, I cleaned up and was well on the road to recovery a week ago, and in a weak moment, I have let the possibility creep back into my presence. I am trying to maintain a balance though. Then eventually even a complete recovery and dismissal of all signs of bullshit.

Rise and Shine: All Hail Sleep!

I woke up today and the sky is little bit clearer. The sun is shining a little bit brighter. Sleep and I came to an agreement last night that rest is an essence of the mind. If my mind is at peace then my body will follow suit. So I put my mind to rest last night as I laid down to sleep and I woke up this morning refreshed in the breathe of a new light. The sun light, shining brighter in a better appreciation of life and good health. Myself being gracious for the day and respecting it in all of its goodness and imperfections. But letting the less of it fall to the wayside and indulging in the best of it. No need to amplify the meaningless and menial, but it is always good to emphasize the good until it is great. And so, I woke up today and the sky was a little clearer, my mind was clear and I slept well. Sleep and I have come to a peaceful agreement...

To Hell With Sleep: Part II, I'm Still Tired

I went to bed and woke up tired. I'm mentally drained from the bullshit I have to process that surrounds me. Maybe I'm the dumb dumb for letting such exist in my environment. I'm physically drained from the bullshit that encompasses my being. Maybe I'm the dumb dumb for keeping such company. As I laid restless late last night, I tossed and turned with the idea of being fed up. I rolled and flipped with the thought of no more and enough is enough. Even so, I still woke up tired and my mind still processes questions and has settled on nothing. I'm still in an endless battle. Until next post...

To Hell With Sleep

I'm tired. Sleep doesn't seem to catch up to me, and I can't seem to catch it. In the car on lunch break, at the stop light, in the middle of conversations, it's an endless battle that ends with sleep and I never coming to a peaceful compromise. How could you be so cruel? Why can't we get along? I guess I'll settle as I do with so many other aspects of life. I guess I thought too much of something that I couldn't live without. I guess I'll live with being tired, and sleep and I can battle on for the rest of my days...