I'm NOT Happy

They want to come in and disrupt my so far, so good. They want to change my course of action and all the plans I have revamped. My goals were set and I knew how I was going to reach them, but numbers and outlandish logic has deteriorated everything, and I'm NOT happy...

To Hell With Sleep: Part III, Uh-Oh!

I guess I'm tired again, funny thing is, I went to sleep last night and got decent hours worth of sleep...

Mr. Sand man, what's the plan man
I'm tired again, I'm your restless fan
The bags under my eyes must be loaded with sand
Granules with no discretion harassing me because they can
Bright white dreams, turned to a dusty tan
Peaceful slumber eluding the palms of my hand
And let's conclude, now that this race has been ran
That you, Mr. Sand man, have beat me again

(Shout out to my insomniacs)

Late Night Disatisfaction

I was up late and my mind was disturbed, between my best friends sad relationship story and my hurt feelings, I couldn't put my mind around sleep. It was a sad, sad little case of the BLUES. Laying there thinking of everything I want to fix, things I cannot fix and some shyte that I just aint gonna adjust. Really, I wanted to go back in time and replay, redo and revise a certain scene in my life. I'd probably still have this sad, sad case of the BLUES, but it wouldn't be as intense.
This late night dissatisfaction is self-inflicted, certain factors could have been easily avoided. I know what it is...I'm indecisive! When I set out to do anything, I go strong and follow through. The decision before I get to that point is another matter. I go back, back, forth and forth. Then I back it up, bring it back, then send it back. Craziness and a case of the sad, sad BLUES is what I have to show for it.
The thoughts of sleep deprivation have now been added to my misery, creating a deeper BLUE shade of sadness. Relationships are the most wonderful things shared. They are a necessity and sustain all life, but they can come at a very high cost. They entail sacrifice, time and pruning. They do not escape the likes of criticism, happiness and self-discovery. They can be the best or they can be the worst. Relationships can be held, broken and fixed all-in-one. In my endeavors, I have run into late night dissatisfaction and a case of the sad, sad BLUES.

The In-Zone!

I'm in the zone! I've got my game face on and the opposition is set to be defied. My mind is racing and that means tracks are going to be left when I take the unseen and make it visual, when I take the unimaginable and make it realistic, when I take the mind and make it tangible. I'm in the zone! My creative juices are overflowing and as potent as can be. So potent that when leaked or spilled it's going to tarnish the material of the inferior cloth of mediocrity. I'm in the zone! I can't be stopped, I feel it, the energy is radiating off of me. You should get close and maybe you too can feel the juice. Feed off the energy and feel me, and let me fill you. I'm in the zone!

In Love With the Idea

I'm in love with the idea of satin touches that send chills through the body
I'm in love with the idea of soft conversation that soothes the soul
I'm in love with the idea of shared laughter that warms the spirit
I'm in love with the idea of sweet nothings whispered in the ears
I'm in love with the idea of late nights turned happy mornings
I'm in love with the idea of a sincere heart that truly cares
I'm in love with the idea of forever
I'm in love with the idea
I'm in love
I'm in

Sad, Separation, Satisfaction, Salvation

The sun is setting and I'm sad as the wilting jasmine. My satisfaction has come at the price of an immense separation. I was forced to flee in order to expand my horizons and sustain my very being, but my heart races in a rapid pace of anxiety. No one ever said change was easy. Yes, it is necessary, and my change has brought salvation to my soul. But I have sacrificed my limbs as I pressed disillusion to extreme measures in order to separate from thee unfaithful.
In the midst of my chaos I was budding like a jasmine nourished from the morning dew and high noon sun. As with any growth, I had surpassed my accommodations, and so I uprooted and moved beyond. Now I'm sad because I have separated from all I ever new. My limbs, even in an unhealthy state, served as a bitter sweet motivation to my successes. In seeking my salvation my spirits droop like the wilting jasmine. In all of my satisfaction the fire has dwindled into a sad simmer. Alas, SALVATION, but at what cost?

So Far, So Good

So far, so good, I have no complaints.
Everything in order and all chaos kept in restraints.
All is well, all have come and gone.
Peace has settled and the next destination is home.
Things are in order for the next day to begin.
I'm setting up to be a trail blazer and to set some new trends.
The first day was a good day and a model for the rest.
I'm pushing for new amazement and putting myself to the test.

Today was a good day. It helps to plan and even over plan. When you lack plans, you put yourself in a position to fall victim to nothingness or a state of confusion. Someone intelligent said, "A failure to plan is a plan to fail." Indeed, improvisation is given to the gifted, but in certain instances it just will not do. In being prepared there are set goals and direction, which give way to progress.
If there are no plans, is there any direction?
Are there any set goals to attain?
Where exactly is life leading?
Is life an improvisation, or something to just go with the flow and whatever happens just happens?
Do no plans suggest no control?
It's a double standard for me to be so prepared in one portion of my life and to lack preparation in other parts. My game face has turned to a solemn stare as I sit here trying to figure out my next move. I'm living two separate lives. The side that I'm held accountable by a group and employer is having the most gain because I refuse to let people down. Yet the side that keeps me grounded and at peace is suffering. I've put my peace on the back burner and its sitting there to get scorched. In all of my humility, I'll prepare any and everything, within reason, for the sake of others. When it comes to self, I've gotten into the habit of procrastination. It's hard to be a dreamer right now. The world is much bigger than I ever knew and it has become so intimidating. It was so much easier to be a dreamer when I lived in a smaller world and the tasks flowed like water because I had something to prove and share with the world. I wanted them to see my life, my pain, my leaps and bounds. And so I prepared, set goals and created progress. When the world was smaller, I made it go around. Now the world has grown beyond my slim horizons and I'm trying to do a double step to keep up with its rotation. I've made some plans, but not over planned and the outcome was a plan failed and no extensions to back up the first set. Now, I'm waiting and thinking about new plans. But still waiting...
Even so, today was a good day and I'll take that for what it is.

Public Announcement

I must declare that I like the sunshine today. It's gazing bright on my windowsill and invading the blinds in such a pleasant way. It feels so good! Nice and warm against my skin. It caresses me in a joy that had been long lost. I declare that I am satisfied with the sun today, and it's my own personal sunshine. It only smiles at me. It only touches my heart and stimulates my intellect. It overjoys me with emotions that were too often suppressed. It encourages me to live and it entices me to bask in its very essence. I indulge in the sunshine today.